"Oh But My Darling, You Must Have The Money!"

WEIGH-IN WEDNESDAY

Well, good news to report this week, hurrah! A loss of 2lbs which  shatters

the plateau-gateau and brings me back to my "Emily's Wedding Goal Weight" of 70lbs

loss (of 5 Stone) A further 5lbs loss and I'm going to need another Certificate,

so start designing soon! What a relief!!

LORD RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH

1923-2014

In 1987 I was living in the Cotswolds and on returning from the School Run 

on a dark, damp winter afternoon,  I was greeted with the news,  that later that week

I was going to be somewhere very hot. My Agent had called to tell me that I had

been offered a small role in Richard Attenborough's Film: 

"CRY FREEDOM"

This was the story of a South African journalist Donald Woods,  played by Kevin Kline, who is forced to flee the country after attempting to investigate the death in custody of his friend the activist Steve Biko, played by Denzel Washington. I had been offered the role by Susie Figgis,

the Casting Director. She had been entrusted by Attenborough to cast all the smaller roles without

him either meeting or knowing the actors involved. It was up to her to cast these small parts with

actors she believed in. The part I was offered was a South African

Policeman with a couple of lines. This was always one of my biggest fears. As a child I'd had a 

stammer - but I always wanted to be an actor (!!) a slightly tricky profession if you have a stammer.

At Drama School I had found that even though I stammered at the start of rehearsals of a play, as

time went by,  I gained more confidence and as I learnt my lines the stammer disappeared. It also

helped if the part was a big one - I could get lost with in the role. With just a couple of lines,

there was no where to hide - the spotlight would be well and truly on me! The other problem

-  I wouldn't know the lines until I landed in South Africa. Then I would know if I could say

them easily or whether I would have a problem. 

After a long flight and a short one I landed in Gweru,

Zimbabwe and as I made my way to my Bungalow in the Lodge where I was staying,  I flicked

through the Script to find my dialogue. "Oh Fuck! Oh No!!" There, staring up at me from the

page was the word "Terrorist" and I knew I was in deep shit. As I paced up and down my

bedroom I uttered the word "Terrorist!"  - "There we go!" - I thought to myself "No problem there,

I can say it easily." and I could - in the bedroom!! I knew it would be a different story on the Set

in front of  the Crew and Dickie Attenborough himself. All I could hear myself saying was 

"T-T-T-Terrorist!!" Yes, Oh Yes! I knew I was in deep shit. There was only one thing for it. I had 

travelled over from England with another actor - a rather arrogant, cocky fellow who I knew would

be delighted with my proposal. He was to play the other South African Policeman and between us we

both had a couple of lines each as we bundled Kevin Kline into the waiting Police Range Rover. 

Surely he would be delighted to have all the dialogue, mine and his, and "Yes!" was his answer. Job 

done I thought to myself - but no, there was a bigger battle to be fought - I had to tell Dickie Attenborough as well - and where was he - only working 24 hours a day 

directing a multi-million-dollar-movie with thousands of extras:

The day came, or rather the night came for me to work,  as it was going to be a night-shoot and 

we were going to be taken to a Town-Ship where the scene would take place. I was now in my

South African Police Uniform and very scared. Where oh where was Dickie? And then I saw him,

rather like the photo above, but this time with a megaphone in his hand standing on top of a mound 

surveying the Town-ship beneath. Above him was a Police Helicopter with a spotlight glaring down and below him were hundreds of extras massing together waiting for his commands. As I trudged up the hill with my heart beating fast I tried to work

out what I was going to say. Eventually I was in front of the great man and what I actually said is

a garbled faded memory but it went something like this; "D-D-D-D-Dickie! (as we'd been told to

address him that way) you don't obviously know me, but I'm really quite a good actor, but I just

can't say your lines, but the other actor said he would say them for me. And as for my Fee, please

keep it...." There was a pause as he stared at me in a glazed disbelief and then he said:

"Oh, but my Darling, you must have the money!" Later that night when we came to do the scene,

I watched on as the other actor said all four lines perfectly and when it came for me to drive

the Range-Rover into the scene they asked me for my Policeman's Jacket as the Car had to hit 

a certain mark and they wanted a Stunt Man to drive it instead of me!! To this day I have a

credit in the cast list of that movie AND I WAS NEVER IN IT!!!! Years later I met Darling Dickie

again when I went up for a Role in his film of "SHADOWLANDS" with Anthony Hopkins and

Debra Winger. During the interview I reminded him of our first meeting up on that mound in

Gweru - the same glazed, disbelief came across his face as it was quite plain to see he had 

no recognition of me what so ever. God Bless Dickie - he was responsible for my first journey to

Africa - a journey that I have repeated several times since.

MY SON: ANGUS STOKESAY McNEICE

My intrepid traveller Son, Angus, whose hand is never far from clutching "A Cold One"

(Please note "The Hand Action" in the above photograph) is with us in England for a short

 while before he joins his Paraguayan Girlfriend, Lizzie, helping to run a Back-Packer's Hostel on a beach in sunny Uruguay for a bit of R & R - nice one Son! He came over the other night to

tell us about the adventure he has just had with his brother, Travers, taking a group of Traver's

friends on a Camping Safari around the area they were brought up in Botswana.

"THE BOTSWANA BABES"

What a fantastic trip it sounded - I've asked Travers & Jenny if they will write a 

LETTER FROM BOTSWANA about taking there friends on this trip. This will be

included in the Blog at some stage - a must - I think!  After a few drinks at our 

local Wine Bar - The Weir:

we decamped back to the Flat where later in the evening, Gussie happily worked

his way through a bottle of Jameson Irish Whisky. He very kindly left this

minuscule measure for the next person - thanks Gussie!!

If you squint your eyes you can just see the tiny amount at the bottom of the bottle!

The Next day we all set out for Gunnersbury Pitch & Putt for a round of Nine Holes. Having

thoroughly enjoyed the Pitch & Putt course that we all played on in Littlehampton we were

determined to find a local course near Brentford.

The best news is that I get 50p off for being a OAP!

The Course

It really is a lot of fun. I used to play golf with my Dad and I still have my swing, 

although it's rusty as hell. But I can still hit a few good shots. And of course its

excellent for walking distances. So all ways round it's a winner on that long journey

in Losing Weight. I remember buying some golf clubs the last time I lost weight and

had fun on a Driving Range near Chiswick Bridge with Daisy Dickson!

ANOTHER CONVENTION

This time for BIG FINISH. They are the people that make all the Audio Books of DOCTOR WHO.

I have worked for them twice - the first time I recorded a show for them at a Studio in London. The

second time I worked for them I had to travel a couple of hours outside of London into deepest Kent

to a tiny Studio in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't until I got there that I found out why we were there. Coming through the door clutching a mug of coffee and still wearing his Pyjamas was 

TOM BAKER (the FOURTH DOCTOR WHO) who only lived a couple of minutes down the

road and agreed to do the job if they used his local studio - no fool there!!

Tom Baker - The Fourth Doctor Who.

When I was at the Convention I bumped into an Actor I've known and admired for

many years. Most people think there are TWO of this person because he crops up

in so many places all over Europe. Looking on IMDB.com

(International Movie Data Base) it's hard to believe that he has 307 Credits for

Supporting Roles in Movies & Television that date back from 1963. I'm going to use a word that was used in a review of mine once and that's the only reason I know what it means!

The Ubiquitous Vernon Dobtcheff

Vernon lives in London and Paris. Speaks three languages fluently - makes films speaking

perfect French & Italian. He's had an Apartment in Paris for 30 years and has 

a walk-up of 88 steps!! He says he keeps sane by quoting Shakespeare as he goes up the

stairs. The following day he was off to Rome to do some dubbing for a film he's just made

and then onto Toronto to see friends in a Shakespeare Play. He must be so well travelled

by now. I remember when I did theatre on a regular basis I would always receive a First Night

Card from him - I bet he's still doing that for all his friends.

COMMENTS

Please leave any comments you would like - Many thanks!